LOST
K so yesterday i went through a weird day - my friend and I went into Sydney to go to this place called "pancakes on the rocks" it was so yummy, and of course we talked alot and well all of a sudden i really started questioning what i was doing here and how long i was going to be here for etc and not really feeling like what i'm doing here is working for me that i could've picked a different bible college. But i think it's more because my friend is really struggling with being here so then it started to make me question what i was doing here - because after spending some time with God later that evening i realized that i'm good here, supposed to be here. I think what scares me is i feel lost. Like i don't really know at this point in time what direction I'm heading in - like what will i do after this - do i want to be in full-time ministry? do i want to do a bachelor of theology after? like what do i actually want? i think that is the hardest part and then part of me feels like i should get a job, buy a car and settle here - like i'll be here for a few years and yet that seems so weird. Looking into physio type jobs and to be a physio here you have to be registered with the Australia physio people whoever they are etc and so not really having much luck in that area - but i know God is my provider - Phil 4:19 says that the Lord God supplies all my needs according to his riches and glory - and you know he knew i wanted that piano and then he provided me a job for a day to make the exact amount that it cost - now only he knew how much it cost - i can't believe looking back, already what he was doing, everything is for a purpose, who would've known that at the point that i went to Wildlife summer camp he was actually putting the people in my life that he would use later on to bless me with money i needed. He is so great. Tonight the message was on time and how we need to be people that really use our time to advance the kingdom and not waste our time - Time is a gift from God, it was a rather challenging message - i don't have time to explain it all on here but one of the points was that Jesus spent a lot of time with God and it challenged me to do the same as well - what better place to learn than in bible college hey? we do have lots of time really, my schedule is definitely not hectic - and i dont' know why i worry so much about money, seriously, do i really think that God is not big enough to provide, if he called me here, he will provide, he may not give it to me today, maybe not tomorrow, maybe not even this semester, but everything he is doing is for his purposes and his glory and my debts may not be paid off for years, but you will never be second by putting Jesus first!! so i guess i can say that i'm doing good - but with everything there is a cost, i had to will today to put Jesus first, i really didn't feel like going to church tonight, but i'm sure glad i did, God met me where i was at tonight and told me exactly what i needed to hear - he's got me in the palm of his hand, i just have to trust him. He is setting things up for me - i just can only see the pigeon hole and he's trying to show me the whole picture
Colour Conference and Album Recording
so i must say i'm glad that week is over, it was very exciting to experience my first Colour Conference at Hillsong, but man they were very long days! being gone for about 18 hours a day and only sleeping 6 hours! that is tough! bump-in day was wednesday , we really didn't do much that day - we were supposed to be there from like 8-5 but we were done packing 30,000 lunch boxes in 1.5 hours! and then had nothing to do - so we went for coffee, came back and had lunch that they had provided, had a little meeting and then left at 1:30, which was super nice - those in worship and creative arts though got screwed because they had to stay around for practice for the album - they didn't get home until like 11:30pm - thursday the conference was only at night but we were trained in our jobs etc during the day, had to do seat drops, which is putting all the flyers on the seats, but we had to wait for like 2 hours for our level to get ours - so that day was good - friday i got up and felt extremely exhausted, not good when you wake up feeling that way and you know you are going to be going for another 18 hours before you get to sleep and only to get up again 5 hours after that to go for another 18 hours and for some people they still had to serve early sunday morning and go all day for album as well - so saturday i had lots more energy - how i'm not sure, only God's supernatural power i'm sure - i had to do hosting and pampering as my jobs - so hosting i had to watch a section of the building and seat everyone in their seats, find seats for those who come in late etc and then do the offering etc and then help hand out anything they needed handed out - so pampering when i got there i got put on nails, okay if you know me, you know that i don't ever do my nails, paint or file them, they are super short, i know nothing about doing nails and i was put on that for 3 hours straight! but it ended up being really good, some people cared that i didn't do a super amazing job, and other people were just blessed by the pampering station - it was cool because i just talked to people, got to know them a bit and listen to them chat, the time flew by - and it's so much greater than doing nails, it wasn't about that at all, it was about making the women feel pampered, and valued, so many women never take the time to do these things for themselves, so they really enjoyed it! so it was good, sunday morning i still had to do car park - i was so tired, why, i'm not sure because i got to sleep almost double of what i had the other nights, but i guess it just wasn't enough still - then went straight from the church to the acer arena to host again for album recording - hosting this time was much easier though because the arena wasn't packed out, had some people argue with me about being up so high and seats being saved for special needs people, but other than that it was good - i was super tired and very emotional so it was a weird day, let's just say i'm glad it's over, but Hillsong Conference is coming in July and is a whole week, so that will be interesting - but i realized over these days that you can seriously go on alot longer than you think, you can do alot more than you think you can when you are tired and that the things you really don't want to do are usually the way that God shows his power - i felt so pumped after doing nails - like what if i wouldn't have gone - that would've been like 8-10 people i wouldn't have gotten to meet and bless and it wasn't about me, it was about being obedient - i'm realizing more and more about that - J. John was in our sunday service yesterday speaking to us on obedience and about how Jonah didn't want to go to Nineveh, so he ran to the other end of the country/continenent whatever it was and now because he ended up going they have an annual Jonah day in Nineveh - like our disobedience affects many people - it's really not about us - if we don't do what God asks us to - it is going to affect many other people around us and after us - it was very profound - and if you have never heard J. John speak, wow, he is the funniest guy ever, looks like Mr. Bean too - i'm hoping to get a DVD of him so i can watch him over and over forever!! haha! so now i have today and tomorrow off, then class wednesday and then hillsong women and weekly ministry thursday then a couple of classes friday and powerhouse at night, not much this week!!! trying to get caught up on some cleaning etc - got some groceries today and did two loads of laundry!!!
Why I Give
Alright, so so many people always whine and complain about giving their 10% to God and i was at this wedding on saturday which i was working - they were short-staffed and called me to see if i would help waitress and so i did and i met these guys and they asked me if i give my 10% to the church - and i didn't have time to chat with them because i had to go back and grab more food, but it got me thinking about this concept. It's not about the church wanting money, it's about what Jesus did for us and that's why we give. How can he provide if his people never give? Okay well He is God and could totally make it happen but if you follow me with what i mean. The giving is not for the church, or for God necessarily, it's for us. Do we trust God with our finances? Do we trust that giving him our First fruits - our best 10% will come back to us that God will look out for us? i know as being a student, i sometimes struggle with that, like i have no income coming in and you want me to give? as if! but i give because of what he has done for me and because it is what he has asked me to do - and it's all about being obedient right? i've just seen God work miracles in my life, and miracles not being super huge things, but when we are obedient, God is so there to bless that and being obedient is not easy and i don't do it to be blessed, but i've witnessed his faithfulness time and time again from my obedience, God will not let you down...just give because you love him, he knows your heart. I don't know what else to say, i know there was more to say in this blog - working on saturday earned me the EXACT amount i needed to buy my piano, now how else would these people know that i was buying a piano and to pay me the amount that i needed? yeah, no they wouldn't know that...my roommate's mom is here and their church is sponsoring us for this year and so we got a package in the mail today that had a whole pile of stuff in it, so unexpected, it was like christmas, we dug in like little kids who had never gotten presents before, we were so excited, i will have to send th picture!! we got essentials you know, like razor blades, body wash, puff balls, eye liners, lip colour, makeup bags etc!! so great!!! we have colour conference this week coming up and it's going to be a long week, but i'm excited to see how God stretches me this week - pray for me though that i do not forget God this week, because without my quiet times with him i will be a wreck!! k well my roommate's mom made us an amazing meal so it's time for me to go eat!! peace out!
Surprise, God loves me at all times!
Okay so yeah after that tough week, i kept praying, kept reading the word of God kept giving my tithes despite the natural of me running out of money soon and my osap loans not coming through yet and my income tax not done yet...and then i finally came to a solution which got rid of the stress, because i have sources of income i can use for the present time until my loans come in etc and then shortly after that my roommate called and said her voice lesson teacher was selling her piano for $200!!!! like seriously a real piano, for sale for so cheap - i've been wanting a keyboard/piano something since i got here and i guess one of my other roommates had been wanting that as well, little did i know - it's so cool, because if she would've called me sooner i would've probably said no i can't afford it, but my heart so desired it, i've wanted one since i got here, my heart yearns to play and sing and i was going to go out and look for one, but just never got around to it - so that just totally confirmed to me that God really does care about every detail of our lives, every desire, he just wants to surprise us, he's not just a predictable God, but he's an unpredictable God as well and he wants to bless us! we are his children!!! don't our parents want to bless us? usually yes, and so how much more does God not want to bless us!! he is there, listening, paying attention, he knows every thought and desire, and he wants to give it to you, but he wants you to be honest with him, talk to him, just hang out with him, get to know him, he is an amazing God!!!! anyways have to jet to a meeting peace out!
Tough Week
Alright, so today is friday! yay that should excite me but it doesn't really - thursdays are my favorite days - but anyways this week - Monday was my day off from classes and that is the day i usually get alot of homework done, i have the apartment to myself etc so it's cool - but my friend Tasia and I went to a nearby town Paramatta to go get our work visa labels put on our passports - so we got there okay found the place, it was a really quick process, and then we were just waiting for the bus to come back home when we got a text saying that we could go out to Macquerie University (which is the university that we are doing our weekly ministry on) and help out with our booth for their orientation week - we were originally told that it was from 3-6pm but when we got the text it said it was from 10-4pm - so we were in Paramatta and had no idea how to get to this campus, but the bus/train station was right up the road so we went there and finally through a series of people found that we could take a train and then a bus to get there, so we found it okay - we got there about noon - we helped out until 3:30pm and then got a ride home and i was exhausted and a little bit frustrated because you know "I" had my day planned - so i laid down for a bit realized i wasn't going to sleep and then decided just to get up and have some coffee and get working on some homework - and you know what? i was so productive in those 2-3 hours that i worked on my assignment - when you put God first and really sacrifice "your" time to do what he is calling you to do, he lines everything else up, he knew that i wanted to get through that assignment and on top of helping me get a lot done on it, my attitude was changed, i never understood how to really do the assignment before, i didn't like it and i was having a hard time with it and when i sat down to do it, it just made sense to me, and i got a lot done - it was so cool - so why the title "tough week" all seems well - good start to the week - i don't know - tuesdays and wednesdays are long days for me and i haven't particularly liked my classes all that much, they're okay but they weren't all that interesting to me at this point - things i guess just started bombarding me - like i wanted to go to the gym, but didn't have the energy because of the long days, then all the assignments we have to do, to keep on top of them and i was feeling like i hadn't had a chance to just hang out with people, but i didn't make time either because i was so concerned about getting assignments done and then my OSAP loans are taking forever to get here, my own fault and so my own stress, but when you are living a bazillion miles from home and are running out of money and don't have a job, i'm sorry but you do just start to worry naturally, but i know that God will provide, things will work out, they always do and so i will be fine but up until tonight it was all head knowledge and i didn't believe it in my heart - and then just a thing that might sound ridiculous to most people but to me it's been an ongoing thing and well when you first start working out at a gym, your muscles get a big bigger the first couple of weeks and then they start going down - i got my body fat percent and weight taken and fitness tests done and they said i was doing very well for my age etc, and so that didn't help this week and my clothes aren't fitting because of the added muscle so that's been bothering me this week - so i just kinda had a meltdown tonight at Powerhouse, but it was nice to just let it all out because i think until tonight i hadn't really identified what was bothering me - it's so hard being here and trying to develop close relationships because they take time and i want someone i can just be myself and share my heart with like what i'm really feeling and people not telling me how i should feel and not always telling me what to do, i just need someone that just lets me talk sometimes you know and just listens - i've passed the honeymoon stage of being here and now life is happening, life is hard, it's hard to be this far from home and be so busy and trying to balance everything - so i will get through it, i just gotta keep pressing through - i've got the devil scared, i'm going in the right direction he sees me as a threat and he's trying to bring me down, but devil you are under my feet and Jesus came and overcame this world so you will not succeed in bringing me down!!
